I recently read an article, “What I’d Tell My Teenage Self” comprised of career and life advice from staff members of the TED blog to (of course) their teenage selves. I began thinking about what advice the adult me would give to the teenage me if given the opportunity. As you’ll see below, I have plenty of wisdom I’d like to share with my teenage self. Chances are good though, that me as a teen would take one look at me as a 40-something year-old and ignore every word that came out of my mouth just as I did to all other adults in my life at the time.
Regardless, here are 18 pieces of advice I’d give to my teenage self:
1. No one cares if you have a zit or a cold sore or if your hair is less than perfect. They’re all too freaked out about their own zits to even see yours.
2. Nothing is as bad as it seems at 2 am. Take a melatonin and get some sleep.
3. Spend less time with your boyfriend and more time with your girlfriends. In fact, try not having a boyfriend for a while.
4. Take Shop class instead of Home Ec. You’re going to have your whole life to cook and clean. How often will you get to play with power tools?
5. Spend less money on clothes and more on concert tickets.
6. You’re smarter than you think. Demand more from your teachers, your school and your guidance counselors.
7. Take a test prep course for the SAT and go to the best college you possibly can. Work your ass off to pay for it. Do not settle.
8. You might want to consider antidepressants. That heavy, dark cloud that follows you everywhere is not normal teenage angst.
9. I know this is cliche but, please, please, please wear sunscreen at all times.
10. Your friends are going to leave you at The Cure concert so they can go party with the band. You have the car and a curfew so that’s OK. Grown-ass men who want to hang out with teenagers are creepy.
11. Your body is young, strong and beautiful. Do not spend another moment wishing it were different.
12. You are not awkward and uncoordinated despite how the grade school gym teacher made you feel. You can be athletic. Find a sport or physical activity you enjoy and stick with it.
13. Call your parents when you’re going to be late. They’re worried sick about you.
14. Do things you think you can’t do. Learn a language. Play an instrument. Surprise yourself.
15. I know you love Esprit clothes, but they’re essentially grown-up Garanimals. Remember, a true fashionista doesn’t dress in one designer from head to toe.
16. A light hand with eyeliner is always best and that asymmetrical bob is not your friend.
17. Your mom isn’t going to be around as long as you think. Spend more time with her. Judge her less. Ask for her advice.
18. Aquanet will deplete the ozone layer. Put down the hairspray. Bigger is not always better.
How about you, readers? What advice would you give your teenage self if you could?
mommyennui.com 
To my teenage self: the other teens around you are as contorted with insecurities as you are, and will be much more interesting (and kind) as adults. As will you.
Good point, Kris! Thanks. 🙂
I wrote a super long reply but I think that at the real core of it, the best SINGLE piece of advice I could’ve given myself would be: judge people by their effect on you. If you’re happy and you’re doing well, keep those people in your life. If not, get away from them, even if they’re your family/partner/best friend. Being sad is a fat waste of your damn time.
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Love this so much! Everyone…please read my friend Sarvi’s post, above. It’s damn smart and funny!
Wear flats. No boy/man is hobbling himself to make himself more attractive to you. You always need to be able to run.
Love it, Kyle! I agree 100%.
None so awesome as #s 10 & 15, but I would tell my teenage self: Chase Your Bliss NOW, and give juicy raspberries (phfffflllllt kind, not the fruit) to anyone who gives you gruff. And to pay better attention to the quiet, smart boys rather than wasteful pining for Mr. Oh So Hot and Obnoxiously Funny.
Amen on the quiet, smart boys!
I would tell my teenage self to stop trying so hard; chill out and be yourself. Get in some trouble once in a while, it’s not the end of the world.
Yes, Gabriele! I was a bit goody-goody in high school. I definitely could have chilled out and gotten in more trouble. Instead, I waited for college. 😉
I’d tell my teenage self that no one is so important that you have to compromise your self-esteem to be with them or liked by them. I’d also urge her to follow her dream, even when no one around her approved.
Agreed, Jana!
I will have to second number 3 and 17.
This is a tough one for me as I have boys … But reflecting on my brother and his very troubled childhood I would really have to say.
1. It is REALLY not important to be the most popular.
2. Smoking cigarettes is not cool and your parents will smell it on you.
3. Pot is better than booze you will be less motivated to get into trouble, wait no I won’t say that…..
4. Nerds turn out to be the coolest adults!
5. Surround yourself with the smart kids,
I strongly agree with 4 and 5! And, would it be so bad if we actually told our kids #3? 😉
Have as much sex as possible.