Every stay-at-home parent is well aware of the benefits of the job: the ability to be home with your children during their formative years, no scrambling for child care, and pajamas are perfectly acceptable “work clothes,” just to name a few. Unfortunately, few moms or dads have a realistic view of the pitfalls of the job when they decide to become a stay-at-home parent. That’s why you have me, dear readers. I’m willing to tell it like it is even if that means risking the ire of the happy, happy, stay-at-home mommy mafia.
I will admit that I drafted this list after a particularly trying week. Ad Man has informed me that he will be out of town for much of the next month…a month that will feature Small’s 7th birthday party and family visiting from out of town. Did I mention that he’ll be in Austin at South By Southwest for “business?” Yep, it’s that time of year again.
Anyway, please feel free to pass this along to anyone who may be considering dedicating his or her life to this challenging job. Friends don’t let friends become stay-at-home moms without full disclosure of the risks. Knowledge is power.
30 Reasons being a stay-at-home mom is a sucky job:
- Pay is far, far below minimum wage
- Kiss adult conversations goodbye
- Zero growth potential
- Physically demanding
- Tiny “employers” are often vocally critical of your work
- Most accomplishments go unnoticed
- No days off, no vacation time, no sick leave
- No combat pay for physically or emotionally dangerous work
- Feedback from superiors generally limited to silent reproach and judging from afar
- Requires an impossibly wide breadth of knowledge including, but not limited to: identity and recommended treatment for various rashes, latest research on the effect of BPAs on growing brains, rules of obscure playground games, names of all characters from every Star Wars episode (even the one with JarJar Binks), removal techniques for a wide range of stains, trigonometry, etc, etc…
- Despite #10, you’re left with absolutely nothing to add to your resume
- At least one person is actively working to thwart your progress at all times
- Stating dissatisfaction with, or openly criticizing, the job is strongly frowned upon (Oops!)
- Rules of the game are always changing
- Increased risk of substance abuse
- Limits social opportunities
- No training program
- Wardrobe options are limited
- Workplace is always messy and often sticky
- Drinking on the job is frowned upon
- Requires contact with bodily fluids that are not your own
- Must be available to work early mornings and late nights
- No awards, promotions or perks
- Very little opportunity for travel
- Excessive contact with brain numbing children’s entertainment
- Company car is crusted with food and perpetually smells of spoiled milk and old vomit
- Job causes irreparable brain damage
- Your boss is unpredictable, irrational and prone to emotional outbursts
- Schedule may change at any time with no warning
- Much of the day is spent trying to keep employers from killing themselves
Do you have anything to add to my list? What about you moms who work full-time outside the home? Would you describe your jobs as sucky for any of the reasons above? Surely at least one of you has a boss who’s unpredictable, irrational and prone to emotional outbursts, right?
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