The 15 Suckiest Things About 2013

george_and_friendsI’ve been in a bit of a post-Christmas funk lately. This happens to me pretty much every year, so it’s not unexpected. Christmas was my mom’s favorite holiday which makes me miss her even more at this time of year. There’s the typical holiday let-down after spending so much time and energy planning for something that’s over in just a day. Also, the weather is crap, which never helps.

Anyway, I thought rather than fighting my gloominess and attempting to write a hopeful, looking-forward, end-of-the-year post, I’d just go with it and make a list of all the things that really sucked about 2013. So, let’s say goodbye to all the bullshit of the last year.

The 15 Suckiest Things About 2013

  • The Boston Marathon Bombing.
  • Due to Congress’s pissing match over the U.S. budget, government employees and contractors spent two weeks in October doing yard work and growing beards when they could have been, you know, working for the government.
  • Kim Jong Un appeared to be filling his father’s notorious shoes quite nicely. 2013 was a particularly rough year, however, for his uncle and ex-girlfriend.
  • The weather continued its epic rager with tornadoes in Oklahoma and the midwest, flooding in Colorado, northern India and central Europe, a massive typhoon in the Philippines and wildfires in California and Arizona.
  • Rush Limbaugh continued to exist. Lou Reed did not.
  • #Hashtags became ubiquitous. #Annoyingashell #Deargodpleasemakethemstop
  • Florida’s “Stand Your Ground Law” forced a jury of otherwise reasonable adults to acquit admitted murderer, George Zimmerman.  Zimmerman apparently failed to learn his lesson and continued threatening loved ones at gunpoint.
  • The Syrian government used chemical weapons against its own citizens. Syria’s standoff with the United States and the UN scared the crap out of everyone.
  • Justin Bieber made his bodyguards carry him up the Great Wall of China and speculated that Anne Frank may have been a “Belieber” if she weren’t so busy hiding from the Nazis.
  • The NSA made Orwell’s 1984 seem quaint.
  • Miley Cyrus gained even more notoriety with her infamous AMA “performance” with Robin Thicke and that foam finger.
  • Mustaches became a “thing.” Kids held mustache-themed birthday parties. Huh?
  • Mass shootings continued. Gun control fizzled.
  • Lance Armstrong whined to Oprah like a little girl. No offense to little girls.
  • George W. Bush finally found his true calling as a celebrated painter of dog portraits. (Or maybe that’s one of the most awesome things of the year. It’s a tough call.)

Please join me in bidding good riddance to 2013. Here’s wishing your 2014 is crammed full of love, health, happiness, success, unicorns, rainbows, bushels full of money and adorable newborn babies in flower pots!

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11 thoughts on “The 15 Suckiest Things About 2013

  1. Ha…. “suckiest things” in my mind? (1) MSNBC remains on the air, continuing to spew mis-information 24 X 7, (2) Obama is still the President and will be until January, 2017, (3) The New York Times attempted to revise recent history in order to give Hillary Clinton a pass on Benghazi, (4) New York City and other jurisdictions continue to try to keep guns from the law-abiding, while doing little or nothing about the mentally unstable, (5) Obamacare began to impact the American people, (6) Justin Bieber continued to exist, (6) The American people continued to be obsessed with celebrities while ignoring world events, (7) A&E either conned us all into believing that there was a “real controversy” with Phil Robertson to drive up the ratings of Duck Dynasty… OR….they really “meant it” in suspending him for voicing his beliefs, (8) the President demonstrated that despite his promises to protect the Constitutional rights of Americans…that he either didn’t mean it or couldn’t actually RUN his own government (NSA), (9) the discovery that the IRS was acting much as it did under Nixon – going after political opponents of the President, and this time, with relative impunity, (10) that so many blame the “one percent” for the plight of those who COULD HAVE taken advantage of educational opportunities and self-reliance to position themselves for economic success….. I’ll leave it there…. because a top 10 list surely is more impressive than 15 whining complaints!

  2. @Doug Allen. I found the mommyennui list to have a strong liberal slant (as always), and to be funny (as always). It didn’t strike me as whiny any more than your list does. Why is her list whiny and your list not? While I may not agree with everything on her list or your list, it certainly doesn’t help your credibility to make a nasty comment. And I’m trying really hard to not make a nasty comment now, so just know I’m thinking about all sorts of them but taking the high road (not a path I’m used to traveling).

      • @Charlotte and @Doug Allen, thank you so much for your comments. Charlotte, I see that Doug really hasn’t addressed your question so, if I may, I’d like to give you my interpretation of what he is trying to convey with the above response to my post.

        First, I’d like to be clear…Doug is absolutely right. I was whining in today’s blog post. You can tell that I was whining because I am a woman and, as a woman, I express my thoughts by either, 1) whining or 2) bitching. A case may be made that I was, in fact bitching rather that whining, but let’s just stick with whining for the sake of argument.

        Because, on the other hand, Doug is a man (I have no proof…just making a baseless assumption as women tend to do), any statement he makes is level-headed and based on fact. His thoughts and opinions are superior to mine in every way because he, arguably, has a penis.

        Unfortunately, I have a vagina and all associated woman parts and woman hormones, which tend to make me hysterical. I make all decisions based on emotion and faulty logic. I never pause to contemplate issues, weighing arguments on both sides because I’m always jumping to baseless conclusions. It’s truly a miracle I made it through law school and practiced law for as long as I did.

        I truly believe that, as a man, Doug’s voice should be heard above all others. In fact, I will be the first in line to read his blog, should he decide to write one, so that I may be enlightened by him. Plus, I have no doubt that Doug’s blog would be a laugh riot!

        Happy New Year to you both,
        MommyEnnui

  3. It’s always so weird to me when people confuse the right to voice beliefs (awesome) with the right to remain employed as a public figure (nonexistent). Especially because it breaks internal consistency with the thought that employment is best structured as at-will with minimal legal interference (what some might call legal protections). It’s like it’s ok to fire somebody so you can hire somebody who’ll work for starvation wages, but wrong to fire somebody for trying dehumanize other people. So indecisive! Just pick an argument and stick with it so we can be clear on what you’re wrong about.

  4. And then yesterday they found cocaine in Justin Bieber’s house and then Canada’s very own Mayor from Toronto was found to have a weight problem. Just that. Only a weight problem. It just gets better and better especially with your follow! THANKSSS!!!

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