Friday Favorites

It’s a rainy Friday here in Atlanta, perfect conditions for online shopping and maybe even making some homemade almond milk. Do I know how to party or what? 
Mally Beauty Evercolor Poreless Face Defender
Just yesterday, I was standing in front of the mirror thinking, “My skin looks pretty good for a 45 year old.” Then I made the mistake of looking at myself with my glasses on! Yikes! Apparently, there’s a damn good reason our vision starts to go downhill the same time our faces start to show some serious wear and tear. Enter Evercolor Poreless Face Defender by Mally Beauty. This stuff is magic and that’s no exaggeration. No regular pressed or loose face powder is truly translucent. It tends to settle into fine lines and make aging skin look crepey. Not pretty. Mally’s Evercolor Poreless Face Defender, on the other hand, is totally invisible, yet it leaves your skin looking dewy, but not oily, it erases large pores and imperfections and it’s light and velvety on your skin. It’s kind of like an airbrush for your face. Like I said…magic.

hanky_panky_boyshortsHanky Panky boyshorts
Hanky Panky’s boyshorts are my very favorite undies. They’re sweet but sexy, super comfortable, and they don’t show lines even under my skinny jeans. They also come in an incredible array of colors and patterns. They are, admittedly, pretty spendy, but mine have lasted years with machine washing in a lingerie bag and hanging dry. And, Hanky Panky has many different styles, from low-rise thongs to vintage-style, high-waisted briefs, if boyshorts aren’t your thing.
woolrich_whitecap_bootWoolrich Whitecap Bootie Slippers
I’m one of those people who, unapologetically, still wears Uggs. I love my Uggs. Maybe it’s the LA girl in me. I used to tell Ad Man I wanted a pair to wear as slippers in the house in addition to the ones I wear outside (we’re shoes-off in-the-house people). Unfortunately, that would be a ridiculous amount of money to spend on slippers. Luckily, I found the perfect alternative last fall. These Woolrich Bootie Slippers are cute, warm and easily as cozy as Uggs. I actually look forward to cold weather so I can pull these babies out of the closet.harvey_milk_stampHarvey Milk Forever Stamps
Harvey Milk was an American politician who became the first openly gay person to be elected to public office in California when he won a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. He was also an outspoken advocate for for the LGBT community. It is about time he be be honored with a U.S. postal stamp and take his rightful place beside other, more well-known, civil rights leaders in our country. “It takes no compromising to give people their rights. It takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no survey to remove repressions.” -Harvey Milk

homemade_almond_milkHomemade Almond Milk
And speaking of milk (har, har), I feel it’s my duty to tell you how easy it is to make your own almond milk. Stop buying the stuff in the carton! All you need is raw almonds and water. Easy, peasy. If you’re feeling a little more energetic, my very favorite almond milk recipe from Oh She Glows (a fantastic vegan cooking website) adds a bit of vanilla, a pinch of cinnamon and a few dates for sweetness. It’s absolutely delicious!

Ellie's_nut_milk_bagEllie’s Bigger, Better Nut Milk Bag
And, a bonus favorite thing today is my new nut milk bag! (The jokes practically write themselves.) The process of making almond milk and other nut or coconut milks is pretty simple. Depending on your preference, you may choose to soak your nuts overnight. You then throw the nuts, some water and any other ingredients you like to use for flavoring into the blender until everything has been mixed to a pulp. Then, you get to the only tricky part of making nut milks…straining the liquid from the pulp. I have done this with both a fine sieve and cheesecloth in the past and, while either method does the trick, they tend to be messy and a bit of a pain. To make this process much, much easier, get yourself a good nut milk bag (try to say it without giggling). With a nut milk bag, you just pour the pulp mixture from the blender into the fine mesh bag, tie it closed and squeeze out all the liquid. Homemade almond milk is less expensive and so much yummier than the almond milk you buy at the grocery store!

Crazy Stuff I’ve Had to Tell My Kids

underpants_head_v.2I am constantly amazed that any child ever manages to live to adulthood.  Seriously, it’s like every single one of them has a death wish.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant the first time, I went about baby-proofing every room in our apartment despite the fact that I wouldn’t give birth for another 8 months and the child wouldn’t be even remotely mobile for some time after that.  As most parents do, I had visions of my kid sticking a knife in an electrical socket, falling down the stairs, cracking open her head on the edge of a glass table, chugging a bottle of Draino and diving into the toilet head first.  I knew a helpless baby or curious toddler could get in no end of trouble and believed I could protect my kid from all foreseeable dangers.

What I didn’t realize, however, is that my children would get themselves into precarious situations I could never in a million years have predicted.  Because, you see, children are stupid.  They do and say stupid shit ALL THE TIME.  And, it starts at a much younger age than you’d expect.  Not all of it has the potential to land them a spot as Darwin Award nominees, but it’s generally all either ridiculous, annoying, messy, embarrassing or all of the above.

Because of our children’s bouts of utter stupidity, we all find ourselves telling them things we would never have had to say prior to having kids.  There are just some things you shouldn’t have to say to another human being!  I have numerous examples from my own experience and have gathered many others from friends with children. I’m hoping to make this a recurring post, so in the spirit of laughing together so we don’t cry, please share your stories in the comments!  Enjoy…

“Take the turtle out of your underwear!”

“Don’t headbutt your sister.”

“You need to keep your eyes open when you’re riding a bike!”

“You do NOT wash your hands in the chocolate syrup!”

“You can’t do yoga with pizza in your mouth.”

“Don’t lick the television.”

“Get your sucker off the cat!”

“No pole vaulting in the living room.”

“No, the ducky doesn’t belong in your underwear.”

“Don’t put mud down your pants.”

“No those are not bite marks around my nipples where you used to feed. They just look like that.”

“Don’t point the arrow at your sister.”

“You have to wear underwear with dress pants.”

“No, that’s NOT what the hand-held shower head is for.”

“You can’t feed the dog Play-doh!”

“No, you can’t touch my boobies.”

“I’m removing all mirrors in the house so you can’t watch yourself cry during fits of rage.”

“Stop smiling meanly at your brother.”

“Your penis is not a drum.”

“No, mommy doesn’t have a ‘front butt.’ It’s called a vagina.”

“Is that your booger on the wall?”

“I don’t think you should practice the recorder in the shower.”

“Your arm will always be longer than your neck, so no, you won’t ever be able to lick your elbow.”

“Stop riding your brother like a pony!”

“I’m going to throw away any ammo or weapons I find that are not put away in the weapons closet.”

“Sweetie, girls can’t pee on trees like little boys. I am so sorry. No, don’t try!”

“Stop rubbing the hamburger on your face!  A bear is going to eat you.”

“You know I don’t like you licking my clothes.”

And, my personal favorite…“I don’t like the vengeful way you’re eating that cheese.”

One additional note, on occasion your significant other can be no smarter than his or her progeny causing you to have to ask things like…“Are you aware that your daughter is dipping her binky in your vodka?”

I would love to hear the crazy shit you’ve had to say to your children or significant other!

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